Some funny quotes that you would see on bumper stickers, on AIM icons. funny quotes or sayings?
This is a easy best answer!
Please and thank you!
“My play was a complete success. The audience was a failure.” – Ashleigh Brilliant
“When choosing between two evils, I always like to try the one I've never tried before.” – Mae West
“The advantage of a bad memory is that one enjoys several times the same good things for the first time” – Friedrich Nietzsche
“The only thing worse than being talked about is not being talked about.” – Oscar Wilde
“I told my psychiatrist that everyone hates me. he said I was being ridiculous – everyone hasn't met me yet.” – Rodney Dangerfield
“The Jersey mentality is: I work, I drink, I stay up all night, I try to meet a girl, it's a waste of time.” – Gerard Way
“Oh, you hate your job? Why didn't you say so? There's a support group for that. It's called EVERYBODY, and they meet at the bar.” – Drew Carey
"Before you insult a person, walk a mile in their shoes. that way, when you insult them, you're a mile away, and you have their shoes."
"Don't talk to me right now. I'm grumpy and I'll probably make fun of you."
"Your chances of getting hit by lighting go up if you stand under a tree, shake your fist at the sky, and yell 'Storms suck!'" – Johnny Carson
"I ain't never been in no situation where havin' money made it even worse." – Clinton Jones
"The meaning of life is faster horses, younger women, older whiskey, more money."
"Every fight's a food fight when you're a cannibal."
"Men are like parking spaces: The good ones are taken and the free ones are handicapped."
"Women are like telephones: They love to be held and talked to, but if you press the wrong button you'll be disconnected."
"Not magic – RadioShack!"
just to name a very few
i dont swim in your toilet, so dont pee in my pool is a classic.
I'm sure you'll be able to fid a lot on the internet…
look below
love animals, they taste great.
EARTH FIRST! We'll stripmine the other planets later.
"Very funny, Scotty. now beam down my clothes."
Friends help you move. Real friends help you move bodies.
The gene pool could use a little chlorine.
Make it idiot proof and someone will make a better idiot.
He who laughs last thinks slowest!
Give me ambiguity or give me something else.
A flashlight is a case for holding dead batteries.
Lottery: a tax on people who are bad at math.
wouldn't be caught dead with a necrophiliac.
Hard work has a future payoff. Laziness pays off now.
I won't rise to the occasion, but I'll slide over to it.
Puritanism: The haunting fear that someone, somewhere may be happy.
Consciousness: that annoying time between naps.
I don't suffer from insanity. I enjoy every minute of it.
Where there's a will, I want to be in it.
Okay, who put a "stop payment" on my reality check?
Few women admit their age. few men act theirs.
We have enough youth, how about a fountain of SMART?
It's hard to think of you as the end result of millions of years of evolution.
Your villiage just called, they want their idiot back.
Your just mad because the voices only talk to me.
Please stop talking, I'm out of asprin.
"no matter how you shake it, or how you dance, the last three drops go down your pants."
"here i sit
lonely hearted
tried to s***
and only farted."
both found on bathroom stalls, i don't know who wrote them lol 
Sir Winston Churchill
"It has been said that democracy is the worst form of government except all the others that have been tried."
Japanese Proberb
"The reverse side also has a reverse side."
i have been elected to lead not to read
